The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
