I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
