She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
