just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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