Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
