I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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