i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
