Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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