Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
