Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
