Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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