you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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