he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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