Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
