wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
