somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
