Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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