I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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