i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
