I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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