THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
