He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
