so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
