I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
