I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
