Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
