piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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