Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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