Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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