It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
