Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
