A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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