I will die if light touches me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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