remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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