well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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