she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
