8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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