Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
