I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
