If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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