Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
