The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
