But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
