I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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