My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
