i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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