The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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