and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
