Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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