My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
