Betty ford says i'm here all night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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