stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
